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April 11, 2012
April 11, 2012
February 26, 2012
Tales of the Texas Giant
The following tall tales regarding war hero, Republic president and state governor Sam Houston were gathered on a recent sociological excursion to Houston, Texas. Many experts in Texas folklore were interviewed to obtain this list of legends that have been passed down from generation to generation of storytellers.
Sam and the Cherry Cobbler
One day, Sam Houston entered a pie eatin’ contest in the city of Nacogdoches. Unbeknownst to him, that ol’ rascal Antonio Gayle Lopez de Santa Ana had filled Sam’s cherry cobbler with 101 of the hottest jalapeño peppers the world had ever seen. Now when the contest started, Sam knew something wasn’t right with that pie, but he kept on eating on account of his wanting to win hisself a kiss from a visiting duchess.
Sam ended up eating one flamin’ hot cherry cobbler, two blueberry pies, a boysenberry pie and a roasted duck someone had on hand, just ‘cause he could.
Now after Sam won the contest, no one could go within 10 feet of him, on account of the heat from them 101 jalapeños. So the people of Nacogdoches brought Sam a five-gallon barrel of milk, which he drank up before giving that duchess the best kiss of her life.
But all them jalapeños and milk weren’t sittin’ right in Sam’s belly. The next morning he gave birth to a giant ball of fire he named Mary Anne, and later that night he gave birth to a giant ball of cheese he called Edgar. Well Sam took Mary Anne and Edgar and placed them up in the sky where they could run around and play. If you look real hard, you can still see them up there today, though people not from Texas tend to call them the sun and moon.
Sam and the Bear
Once, back in the wilds of Tennessee, Sam Houston found hisself lost and starving in the woods. Weak and desperate, Sam killed a she-bear using only his hands and an oak tree. In the process of cleaning the bear, Sam discovered she’d been pregnant with four cubs.
Always kind to the young of every species, Sam sewed the cubs up in calves, so they’d be safe until they were ready to be born.
Now about three months later, Sam once again was out in the woods. And wouldn’t you know, them cubs reckoned they were due. Sam opened up his calves and out popped four little tykes, half man and half bear. Sam gave each a feather granting them invulnerability, wished ‘em well and sent them on their ways.
Then those hairy, wild boy-cubs dispersed across the world becoming the Sasquatch, the Yeti, Big Foot and Teddy Roosevelt.
Sam Fords a River
During his time as president of the Republic of Texas, Sam Houston came to a river while on his way back to Austin, having just chased the Devil out of San Antonio. When Sam was almost half-way across the river, he was attacked by a family of hippopatamuses. If there’s one thing hippos hate more than humans encroaching on their territory, it’s presidents.
Now Sam didn’t have much trouble fighting off the hippos, but during the scuffle, one of the hippos made off with Sam’s favorite jackalope, Bessie. Incensed, Sam went back to Austin and, first thing, made a presidential decree banishing all hippos from the Republic.
And that’s why there ain’t any hippos in Texas these days.
Sam and Nuevo Laredo
One time, Sam Houston and Davy Crockett were in Laredo buying fireworks and inventing margaritas. Sam and Davy got to talkin’, and on account of all them margaritas they were inventing, they started arguin’ about who could kill the most armadillos.
Everyone in Laredo north of the Rio Grande said Houston, but everyone south of the river said Crockett. That’s why when Texas won it’s independence the Rio Grande was made the border. Sam didn’t want non of those pro-Crockett folks in old Laredo in his damn Republic.
Sam and Texas Oil
Texas oil comes from all the prostitutes Sam Houston killed and buried. Sam killed hisself a lot of prostitutes.
Sam and the Yellow Roses of Texas
The roses in Texas are yellow because they all gave up a portion of their life force to empower Sam Houston during his battle with the dragon Li Huang.
Sam and the Pecan Trees
There weren’t any pecan trees in Texas before Sam Houston. Before leaving Tennessee, Sam packed his cheeks with 40 pecans. Now when Sam got to Texas, he was so struck by its beauty that he accidentally swallowed all 40 of them pecans.
Every pecan grove in the state sprung up from the first 40 latrines Sam used in Texas.
Sam and the Wildcats
Sam Houston started the trend of naming sports teams “The Wildcats” after he defeated a pack of bobcats in a pickup match of Greco-Roman wrestling, being pinned only once.
Sam and the Vision Quest
After going on a vision quest in the deserts of West Texas, Sam Houston adopted the road runner as his spirit animal. He never lost another foot race.
Sam and the Poker Game
Sam Houston discovered the Theory of Relativity decades before Albert Einstein, but he lost it in a poker game with Stephen F. Austin.
Sam and the Caverns
Sam Houston accidentally released the Angel of Death when he reopened the opening to Natural Bridge Caverns for the first time in a thousand years. That was totally his fault, and he’s a big enough man to accept responsibility.
Sam and the Bats
The is a debate among experts whether or not Sam Houston was a vampire, but it is agreed that he could control Austin’s bat population with his mind.
February 14, 2012
December 2, 2011
Unparalleled Adventures Issue 1: Release Preview!
Here’s the cover for issue 1! It will contain special features, including a backup story starring the Golden Age hero The Red Bee!
December 1, 2011
30 Characters Challenge - The Whole Shebang
Come see all the characters I did for the 30 Characters Challenge. There are 30 of them, and it was challenging to do them all. The surprising thing is that there were more characters I wanted to do, but couldn’t because I want it to be a surprise when they are revealed.
October 15, 2011
October 14, 2011
Unparalleled Adventures Page #21
The last page of Unparalleled Adventures’ first issue is up! It features the debut of 4 new superheroes! One of them is inspired by a famous pro wrestler/actor! Good luck guessing which one it is.
October 9, 2011
Funny Books - Week 4
Uncle KrakaDOOM is back with this week’s funny books reviews.
Action Comics #2
I liked this comic. I like the changes Morrison has changed Superman’s past, having him somewhat unaware of his Kryptonian heritage. I can’t wait to find out how much he knows and how much he learns.
What I didn’t like so much about this issue was Lex Luthor. He seemed a little too sadistic, and for someone who planned out nearly every event of the last comic, he seemed woefully unprepared to actually keep Superman prisoner. The twist ending also undercuts his menace a bit.
On the art front, Rags Morales’ work is rather uneven. Superman’s age tends to jump around a lot, sometimes looking like a scrawny Superboy. Otherwise, the art is fine, and I like his nebishy take on Luthor.
Overall, this is still a fun comic, and I’m eager to see where it goes from here.
iZombie #18
This issue was mostly backstory on Diogenes, the older of the two monster hunters. This story added some depth to the “I’m too old for this shit” character we’ve seen.
The comic doesn’t further the plot at all, but in addition to the character work, it adds a little depth to the universe, including cameos by were-jaguars, regular zombies, a poltergeist, dream-walkers and the hilarious Vampire Queen of the Amazon and her retinue. This was definitely one of the funniest iZombie comics in a while.
Men of War #2
Still a solid war story, with the addition of a superhero element, in this case something possibly tied to the Wonder Woman realm of myths. It’s setting up a much more significant story, much larger than I was expecting, so it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out.
The backup is a straight military story, but not too interesting.
Men of War is probably my least favorite of the New 52 books I plan to continue reading, but I’m willing to give it a try, since it promises to be a different kind of story.
Skullkickers #11
The end of the second story arc. Lots of action, a couple twists and some jokes.
Skullkickers is always fun and it’s always funny. My only complaints are one of the most frequent jokes, using descriptions for sound effects instead of onomatopoeia. It can be funny, but I’d like it used a little less often.
If you haven’t read Skullkickers, it’s pretty much a riff on your average D&D inspired fantasy realm. Humor and violence in spades. I recommend buying the first trade.
Swamp Thing #2
Awesome. Swamp Thing’s backstory and the mythology of the Green and the Parliament are pretty confusing to someone new to the character (and even to those who are familiar with him, from what I’ve heard), but it’s still a good story, with excellent horror elements.
The only part that didn’t make sense to me was why Sethe, the evil force threatening everything, previous attacked humanity as diseases, only to appear this time as a giant monster with a horde of near-zombie followers. That’s a big change in his M.O. It’s nitpicky, and doesn’t really detract from what’s going on now, but it stood out as a discrepancy.
Yanick Paquette’s art is really good, perfect for the horror elements of this comic. His framing of the panels including Swamp Thing using branches is a nice touch, adding a fantasy feel to the scenes. Similarly, using blotchy swarms to break up panels in the horror scenes enhanced the frenetic, dark feel of the horror scenes.
It’s an all around well-told comic. I became a big fan of Scott Snyder on his Detective Comics run, and his Swamp Thing run is shaping up to be a good one too.
October 2, 2011
Funny Books - Week 3
We return once again to my weekly review of the comics I read this week.
Amazing Spider-Man #670—Spider Island Part 4
This was … a bit of a let down. Up until now I’ve loved Dan Slott’s entire run, and Spider Island wasn’t any different. I thought the last couple issues were great.
Part of the problem is that I’d never heard of the villain behind everything. I’m not even sure what to call her. Apparently her name used to be Adriana Soria. I think now she’s just calling herself Queen? They put it large and in an Old English font, so that might be her name now.
But the main problem is that a lot of the comic is just checking in to see what’s been happening in the tie-in books. Here and there are a few panels thrown in to give recaps of what’s happened in other books or bridges to link where the tie-ins with what happens in the next issue. The most jarring example is the significant number of references to the events of this week’s Venom, but I’ll get to that later.
On the upside, the art is still great, and the overall story is still rockin’. Hopefully the next issue won’t be as schizophrenic.
All Star Western #1
The main reason I picked this issue up was Moritat’s artwork. I first heard of him when he was working on the The Spirit, a title I hope they revive eventually. Despite already liking The Spirit character, Moritat’s art was one of the reasons I bought that title too.
Another reason I bought this issue is that it takes place in 19th century Gotham. I’m not a huge fan of westerns, so this seemed like a good gateway comic, introducing a western character in a more familiar, urban setting (I’m sure it was planned that way).
That said, I think Moritat’s Gotham feels more cramped than Moritat’s Central City. Perhaps it is the sepia-toned washes used in an attempt to create a vintage feel. Unfortunately, it comes off as muddy. The infrequent splashes of non earth-tones were most welcome.
The story was good, if not that original (it’s borrows a lot from the Jack the Ripper and From Hell). Much like Snyder’s Batman #1, writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti used a clever storytelling technique to introduce readers to Jonah Hex. Using amateur forensic scientist and criminal profiler Amadeus Arkham to profile Hex as they work together was more subtle than Batman’s H.U.D. contact lens, but Gray and Palmiotti end up telling a little more than they show.
Overall, I liked the issue and I’ll stay around for the first storyline at least.
The Flash #1
I almost didn’t buy this one. In fact, I didn’t buy this on Wednesday, I went back out and got it today, because it was getting good reviews. And you know, I’m glad I bought it.
Excepting Batman, I’ve never been as big a fan of DC as I am of Marvel. I’d never read a Flash comic until now and never had much interest in him as a character. But this comic has me excited for what comes next. The art is beautiful, the storytelling is incredible, and the story is intriguing.
The review that got me to go out and buy Flash #1 (I can’t remember who it was or where I saw it) compared it to the Flash story from Wednesday Comics. I definitely have to agree. So far #1’s story doesn’t seem like it will be as mind- and time-bending as the Wednesday Comics story, but both use page layout to perfectly highlight Flash’s powers.
I’m really surprised, but The Flash looks like it’s my second favorite title of the New 52. Like I said, I’m excited to see where this goes.
FF #9
Continuing Amazing Spider-Man’s pattern of being confusing (we’ll see another example later), I’m not sure what exactly happened in this issue.
I really need to start rereading the previous month’s issues before I tackle new ones. I don’t recognize characters, I’m not sure who they are fighting and why. And Maximus shows up? I don’t remember him in the last issue. Has he been involved in the other Inhuman stories that took place in space?
I do want to see what happens next to Reed, Spider-Man and Doom. Especially Doom. You can’t let that guy out of your sight for a second.
The Sixth Gun #15
Not a lot happened in this issue. Gord visits a ghost plantation and Becky is introduced to the monastery of the religious order trying to keep the Six from ending the world.
It’s still a rich story, and it’s still a pretty book to look at. I do like that Gord is getting more face time in. His subplot introduced in the issues has a lot of promise.
Part of me wishes I’d waited for the trades instead of buying single issues. The Sixths Gun reads fast, and it seems like it would be more satisfying in larger doses.
Vengeance #3 of 6
Part 3 of confusing comics week. In all fairness, the first two issues were confusing too. It doesn’t help that this issue starts off on the astral plane where the characters wax metaphysical and have flashbacks. This seems like another comic that I need to reread before each new issue.
What confused me the most is the motivation of the new Teen Brigade. They are trying to prevent the Young Masters of Evil from killing off the old guard of villains? Because they spend the last third of the comic preventing the Sinister Six from stopping the YME. Is the Teen Brigade trying to keep all of them alive?
I don’t even know man. Hopefully it’ll all make sense by the end.
Venom #7
It was weird to read this issue after reading Amazing Spider-Man. Everything couple pages there was dialogue that was also in this week’s Spider-Man. It was cool to see the other side of conversations that were shown in Amazing Spider-Man, as well as what happened before and after, but it was also really distracting.
The level to which these two issues are tied together really highlights how coordinated the writers all are. I may not like the results, but I definitely give them props for organization.
There were some really good Flash (Thompson, not DC Flash) moments in this comic, especially during the fight with Anti-Venom. I can’t wait for the book to get back to it’s non-Spider Island story, but Rick Remender deserves a lot of credit for tying a lot of good character development into the plot of a tie-in.
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